Fitting in and coming out

Gaius, Small and I went to Polyday this weekend. Jemmy had family commitments and couldn't make it, which was a shame, as it is always nice to find a space where we can be open without it feeling weird.

Going as a couple with a baby was pertinent to one of the discussions we had about polyamorous parenting, however, which was about being "out". Polyamorous relationships can take many forms, but because we are a married male/female couple, who live in a traditional family home with a baby, we look pretty normal to the outside world. There are sometimes odd looks from neighbours (who probably think that Gaius is a serial adulterer, and some of Jemmy's social acquaintances must know that something is going on between us) but in the main, we present as pretty normal.

There are poly families who don't find it so easy or desirable to blend into the mainstream, (especially those whose relationships don't slot into the primary/secondary dynamic as ours as done so far.) And there is the possibility that we might eventually become one of them, not only because we don't know who we'll fall for next, or what relationship setup will work for us in the future, but because there is the Small in the picture now. She's going to grow up, meet our friends and lovers: in short, she's going to know. On the one hand, the idea of being raised knowing about the many ways you can love is wonderful to us, but on the other, she isn't going to understand the concepts of "private" or "out", and this may very well force us out of the closet for good, one day.

This is a little daunting for both of us. At Polyday, we chatted with friends and met new people, many of whom were interested in how our daughter would be affected by our other lovers. But they were interested without being dubious that it would work, and the real world might not be quite so kind.

We got home late that night, after having to stop twice on the motorway to feed the Small and help her get to sleep. She was still asleep when we arrived at Jemmy's house to drop something off and say good night. It was late, by then, and we were keen to get her home and into bed, so only enough time for a kiss and a few words about when we'd see each other next. One day, she might force our other relationships into the open, but for now, she makes fitting them in at all enough of a challenge.